We Can’t Control Everything
I’ve been a bit off the last two weeks. Rushed, stressed, overwhelmed, worried, exhausted, grumpy, annoyed, tired…I’m surprised I actually have friends that still love me.
What caused all of these gross feelings? Trying to be in control of The Hatchery.
The months leading up to these dreaded two weeks, I was on cloud 9. Every meeting I had, every person I was introduced to, every thought that I acted on….all had positive outcomes. Seriously, all of them.
Then came a snag. Or what I considered a snag. This one circumstance was about our business loan + build-out cost + our budget (exciting stuff, I know). I received a call from the bank explaining the loan structure they felt would work best. Perfect, let’s go.
Then I received a call from our landlord and he was questioning some items for the white-box and build-out. He has been so amazing as he’s truly making sure I check all the boxes to not let anything come back to bite me. As we talked it seemed like it might be a better idea to have the company that is doing the white box (the items the landlord pays for to get the building ready: hvac, electric, plumbing, etc.), do the build out (what I pay for to create our space). He’s already going to be there, he knows the layout, and he’s putting up a couple walls that will then be awkward for someone else to finish…yada yada yada. So, I felt it was a good idea to get a bid from him to do the build-out.
In the two weeks I’ve been waiting for the bid, I have FREAKED myself out. Did I budget for toilets? Sinks? Extra insulation in the childcare rooms? A ceiling in the nursing room?
Money is such downer sometimes!
What did all of that do to my mindset? Killed it. I was so focused on not having enough money I noticed the outcomes of some of my meetings were not as positive.
Now, that might have sounded extreme. When I say “not as positive” I don’t want you to think they all sucked and the people didn’t do anything for me…. that’s not the case. The previous meetings were all amazing and I appreciated the little things. Maybe it was the new person I met, a restaurant they recommended, or they simply bought my coffee. I walked away feeling productive, feeling whole, and thankful to the big man upstairs for the connection.
The last two weeks…I let myself get in the way. “It’s not about you” is something I have to repeat to myself daily. Because, really it’s not about ourselves. I took my eye off of the big picture. This business is to connect women, to empower them, and to be a place where they know they’re leaving as a better person. Maybe it’s because they helped someone else on a project, maybe because they made a new friend, maybe it’s because they needed 2 hours away from their child, who knows.
Now, I do know that I have to pay attention to the finances and the budget. At some point this bank is going to want their money back and Sean would like to add money to our account sooner than later. But, I can’t worry about them to the point where I take my eye, and more importantly, my heart off the big picture.
Not only did this affect the business, but also my home life. I was short with Ellie’s 2-year-old tantrums; I overanalyzed a business event we were going to for Sean, and I knit picked way too much of what Sean was doing. Part of me KNEW what was going on and I KNEW I needed to make an adjustment. But, I didn’t…until we were at the event. I let my guard down and just gave up control.
I vented for about 10 minutes to a couple friends and they gave me some encouraging words and we moved on. I agreed to let them help with Ellie (without feeling guilty), so I could work a little. I turned my phone off, I made a list of what I needed to accomplish and actually checked the items off without moving on to another task. I gave up trying to do every single thing on my own. The glorious thing was…it didn’t take me as long as I thought it would and I was able to enjoy the rest of the day. No guilt, not annoyance, no pressure, nothing.
The mind is crazy. We have to be careful of what we allow in. Most have heard the phrase “thoughts become things”. Well, my friends, I can testify for that one.
Oh! Almost forgot. That new bid? Came in the exact amount of the other one :)